Things I have learned from close friends, ex’s, and parents

Things I have learned from close friends, ex’s, and parents

This list below happened to me or I was a part of it somehow.

1) Never Crisco someone’s car because the paint WILL come off
2) Coy fish make great pets for the bathtub
3) Make sure when you’re parked in a parking lot to look to see if there is a barrier in front of your car
4) Never assume you’re so cool that you can drive your car in the surf of the ocean.. Otherwise Livvy to the rescue.
5) When you live in the mountains don’t let your cat go outside because there are bigger things out there then he is..
6) Never put a fish in a wax cup to clean out the fish bowl. If they can’t see out they think they are suffocating
7) Always take money or checks out of the envelopes people send you otherwise you might literally be throwing money away.
8) Never name your daughter after an ex girlfriend even if it is your wife’s idea.
9) Once you’ve been married and divorced twice, just realize you’re not good at marriage and stay single.
10) When a good friend tells you he wants to show you the MODEL apartment know he has ulterior motives
11) Never park a beater car on a sloped street in San Francisco
12) Eating the whole apple won’t cause an apple tree to grow in your stomach.. ha ha
13) If a Paraguayan is walking towards you with an ax, he’s not a threat, he’s golden!
14) Don’t take troubled kids to sandwich shops they just end up robbing the place later
!5) Hitchhikers aren’t always bad
16) Driving threw a puddle of water at high speeds can cause your vehicle to roll
17) For all my foreigner friends remember to always keep the shower curtain inside the tub