Post Dramatic Stress Syndrome

Our family does not have an impressive track record with pets. In fact, we have inadvertantly caused premature death to a quiet helpless lizard, an adorable fluffy Guniea Pig, and countless fish.

Personally, I am tired of the burden of so much death and carnage.  Unfortunately, our lack of ability to keep the few creatures we have cared for, or at least attempted to care for, alive, has not slowed my childrens' intent to continue to beg for more pets. 

Recently D1 has picked up the oral arguments with me on this subject.  Apparently she wanted creatures that belong in lakes and rivers to live in her bedroom more desperately than I originally thought.  In exasperation she finally stomped out of my bedroom.  A little while later, she slipped this under my bedroom door:

Why I Should Have a Fish

by (D1)

1. It is a great responsibility lesson for me...and my future.
2. My friend has given me great advise about what fish are easy to take care of and how to take care of them, and she will supply supplies.
3. I would love the fish like my brothers and sisters and care for them always.
4. I know where I can get cheap but good fish and I'm willing to keep up with the fish.
5. I will do my best to find fish that are low maintenance but fun.

If I do not get fish side affects may include, thoughts of suicide, chronic depression, nausea, insomnia, post dramatic stress syndrome, and series of violent mood swings.  A serious but rare side affect may include schizophrenia resulting in multiple personalities and frequent conversations with imaginary objects, people, fish and places.  

If any of these side affects occur, do not operate machinery or perform manual labor of any kind.  If side affects do not lessen with in a few days consult your local Petco store for further advice.