IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MY FIRST CLUE

This post is not intended for those with a weak stomach...

I have met some strong and independent women in my life that I am certain would make better widows than I do. I suppose that could be part of the reason this lot was given to me... I had a lot to learn from it.

My first clue that surviving widowhood would not come easy to me should have have been when my husband was in the hospital. I struggled making it three weeks. The day before my husband went in for surgery I decided to clean out the fridge. I knew I would not be home cooking very much for the next couple weeks - so it seemed to make sense to me to throw out anything that would not still be good in two weeks. Among the things I threw in the garbage that day was some raw perch. My husband had caught and prepared the fish, but he was seriously lacking in appetite - so he had not eaten it. I tossed the raw fish in the garbage.

My husband and I had to be at the hospital by 6am Monday morning. We arrived and he was prepped and the surgery began shortly after. I sat in the hospital room all day. Waiting... just waiting for the doctor to come out with any updates. They were occasional and slow. But every report was positive - things were going well. There were larger and more numerous tumors than what they had anticipated, so the surgery was slow going, but they were making progress. I think it was around 4:30 or 5:30 Tuesday morning when they came out to tell me the surgery was complete. Chris was sleeping and would be for some time - so it was advised that if I wanted to go home, now would be the best time. I went into see him and spent a short while with him, just watching him sleep - then I headed home to change my clothes and get ready for the day.

I arrived home around 7:30 or 8:00 and the furthest thing from my mind was putting the garbage out on the curb. As I have shared before, that wasn't even typically one of my chores. I took a shower and returned to the hospital.

It was September, but the temperature was still warm and the weather was beautiful that week, which served to be a blessing with all the driving I was doing. Saturday evening I was home taking care of a few things and went to take the week's garbage out. It was dark, but as I lifted the lid to place my garbage inside, I noticed something was dripping off the lid. I returned to the house to turn on the outside light and get a flash light, as I could not imagine why there was something in the garbage can that would be dripping. The sight I saw, I will describe... but stop reading now unless you have a tough stomach. There were thousands of maggots... literally overspilling the sides of the garbage can and falling to the pavement. Upon moving the garbage can, I discovered a mound of maggots a couple inches thick laying on the ground. I had no idea what to do. So, I called my husband's fishing friend. I explained my situation and let him know I did not need his physical help - I just needed to know how you go about getting rid of them. I had tried bug sprays, but this did not seem to do anything. I tried pouring water on them in hopes of drowning them, this made them scatter and they started climbing the brick exterior of my home. I didn't know what else to do.

He said he would be right over. I again assured him I would handle it... I just didn't know what to do. He said he would be right over. We worked together trying to destroy the thousands of maggots. It appears 'frying' them with a blowtorch is very effective.

Lesson Manual: How to Be a Widow
1. Realize that raw fish will quickly turn to thousands of maggots if left outside in hot weather for more than one week. If this most inconvenient situation should happen - a blowtorch would be the easiest solution for ridding your patio of maggots.

IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MY FIRST CLUE

This post is not intended for those with a weak stomach...

I have met some strong and independent women in my life that I am certain would make better widows than I do. I suppose that could be part of the reason this lot was given to me... I had a lot to learn from it.

My first clue that surviving widowhood would not come easy to me should have have been when my husband was in the hospital. I struggled making it three weeks. The day before my husband went in for surgery I decided to clean out the fridge. I knew I would not be home cooking very much for the next couple weeks - so it seemed to make sense to me to throw out anything that would not still be good in two weeks. Among the things I threw in the garbage that day was some raw perch. My husband had caught and prepared the fish, but he was seriously lacking in appetite - so he had not eaten it. I tossed the raw fish in the garbage.

My husband and I had to be at the hospital by 6am Monday morning. We arrived and he was prepped and the surgery began shortly after. I sat in the hospital room all day. Waiting... just waiting for the doctor to come out with any updates. They were occasional and slow. But every report was positive - things were going well. There were larger and more numerous tumors than what they had anticipated, so the surgery was slow going, but they were making progress. I think it was around 4:30 or 5:30 Tuesday morning when they came out to tell me the surgery was complete. Chris was sleeping and would be for some time - so it was advised that if I wanted to go home, now would be the best time. I went into see him and spent a short while with him, just watching him sleep - then I headed home to change my clothes and get ready for the day.

I arrived home around 7:30 or 8:00 and the furthest thing from my mind was putting the garbage out on the curb. As I have shared before, that wasn't even typically one of my chores. I took a shower and returned to the hospital.

It was September, but the temperature was still warm and the weather was beautiful that week, which served to be a blessing with all the driving I was doing. Saturday evening I was home taking care of a few things and went to take the week's garbage out. It was dark, but as I lifted the lid to place my garbage inside, I noticed something was dripping off the lid. I returned to the house to turn on the outside light and get a flash light, as I could not imagine why there was something in the garbage can that would be dripping. The sight I saw, I will describe... but stop reading now unless you have a tough stomach. There were thousands of maggots... literally overspilling the sides of the garbage can and falling to the pavement. Upon moving the garbage can, I discovered a mound of maggots a couple inches thick laying on the ground. I had no idea what to do. So, I called my husband's fishing friend. I explained my situation and let him know I did not need his physical help - I just needed to know how you go about getting rid of them. I had tried bug sprays, but this did not seem to do anything. I tried pouring water on them in hopes of drowning them, this made them scatter and they started climbing the brick exterior of my home. I didn't know what else to do.

He said he would be right over. I again assured him I would handle it... I just didn't know what to do. He said he would be right over. We worked together trying to destroy the thousands of maggots. It appears 'frying' them with a blowtorch is very effective.

Lesson Manual: How to Be a Widow
1. Realize that raw fish will quickly turn to thousands of maggots if left outside in hot weather for more than one week. If this most inconvenient situation should happen - a blowtorch would be the easiest solution for ridding your patio of maggots.

BECAUSE OF WHAT I AM (a widow that is)

Last year a friend’s husband was diagnosed with stage-four cancer. He had to go through an intense round of chemotherapy, was very ill and the future was unknown. My heart reached out to the family as I could clearly understand the trial they were facing. Part of me wanted to call and offer my help or just a listening ear. Another part of me (the part that won over) did not.

Do people want to see me… ME… when their husband is sick? I felt like seeing me is a big reminder of what could be. I did not feel as though I would bring hope – I would bring a gray cloud. I thought about them and prayed for them every day. Mid-summer I ran into my friend. I gave her a hug and inquired to how they were all holding up. I let her know how much I thought of them and prayed for them. I was grateful for that moment.

Her husband’s health has gotten better and he just recently returned to work.

There is something unjust about being in a position where you want to help, but because of who you are and what you are – feeling as though your presence would not be a lift to their spirits.

BECAUSE OF WHAT I AM (a widow that is)

Last year a friend’s husband was diagnosed with stage-four cancer. He had to go through an intense round of chemotherapy, was very ill and the future was unknown. My heart reached out to the family as I could clearly understand the trial they were facing. Part of me wanted to call and offer my help or just a listening ear. Another part of me (the part that won over) did not.

Do people want to see me… ME… when their husband is sick? I felt like seeing me is a big reminder of what could be. I did not feel as though I would bring hope – I would bring a gray cloud. I thought about them and prayed for them every day. Mid-summer I ran into my friend. I gave her a hug and inquired to how they were all holding up. I let her know how much I thought of them and prayed for them. I was grateful for that moment.

Her husband’s health has gotten better and he just recently returned to work.

There is something unjust about being in a position where you want to help, but because of who you are and what you are – feeling as though your presence would not be a lift to their spirits.

GRATITUDE

Gratitude is trait I am far from perfecting. My kids are very good at pointing that out to me. It is unfortunately in my nature to overlook the good that was done and focus on what wasn't done. I may ask my kids to do a series of things and without expressing gratitude for what they DID, I note what they did NOT do. I am working on this. I am glad though, that I can say (of course Chris is not here to say otherwise) that I was grateful for the good husband I had.

Chris loved me. He truly cared about me and desired for me to develop my talents and pursue my interests. It was often not convenient for him, in fact often inconvenient - but he was always willing to find a way. He made sure my needs were taken care of and thought about what those needs were before I ever voiced them. One tender moment I will always remember was when he was ill. It was following an intense surgery that had him in the hospital for three weeks. He was still very weak and in pain. I was headed to work and it occurred to Chris that because I had made several trips to the hospital while he was there (50 miles each direction - and I drove up one to three times a day) the oil and other fluids should be checked before I did any more driving. Chris was not concerned about the car - he was concerned that I would not have any problems while on the road for work that day.

I clearly remember him painfully bent over walking out to the car. In my always irreverent way, I jokingly told him to hurry it up - 'cause I had places to be. He just smiled and kept on. He then carefully checked over all those things that I hope are getting checked now when I take my car in for service. He was a tremendous emotional strength to me. He believed in me and he inspired me to be better.

What I miss most... he apologized for me when my comments were too brash with others. :)

I am so glad that ours was not a marriage that took his death or his absence for me to be grateful, I was grateful for him every day.

GRATITUDE

Gratitude is trait I am far from perfecting. My kids are very good at pointing that out to me. It is unfortunately in my nature to overlook the good that was done and focus on what wasn't done. I may ask my kids to do a series of things and without expressing gratitude for what they DID, I note what they did NOT do. I am working on this. I am glad though, that I can say (of course Chris is not here to say otherwise) that I was grateful for the good husband I had.

Chris loved me. He truly cared about me and desired for me to develop my talents and pursue my interests. It was often not convenient for him, in fact often inconvenient - but he was always willing to find a way. He made sure my needs were taken care of and thought about what those needs were before I ever voiced them. One tender moment I will always remember was when he was ill. It was following an intense surgery that had him in the hospital for three weeks. He was still very weak and in pain. I was headed to work and it occurred to Chris that because I had made several trips to the hospital while he was there (50 miles each direction - and I drove up one to three times a day) the oil and other fluids should be checked before I did any more driving. Chris was not concerned about the car - he was concerned that I would not have any problems while on the road for work that day.

I clearly remember him painfully bent over walking out to the car. In my always irreverent way, I jokingly told him to hurry it up - 'cause I had places to be. He just smiled and kept on. He then carefully checked over all those things that I hope are getting checked now when I take my car in for service. He was a tremendous emotional strength to me. He believed in me and he inspired me to be better.

What I miss most... he apologized for me when my comments were too brash with others. :)

I am so glad that ours was not a marriage that took his death or his absence for me to be grateful, I was grateful for him every day.

Thanksgiving Top Ten

Today, I have many things to be thankful for. Here are my top ten:

1.My husband, who shows me in quiet ways every day how much he loves me.


2.My little brood, for whom my heart swells. They are my refiner's fire, but also my greatest treasure. I couldn't be more grateful to be a mother.


3.My testimony of the Lord, Jesus Christ, and of His truth restored on the earth. This precious knowledge gives me perspective and understanding of who I am, why I am here, and where I am going. This, in turn, guides my daily decisions, and blesses my life immensely.

4. My parents, who filled my childhood up with love, faith, music, good books, and accountability. They will forever influence me for good.


5. Jared's parents, who loved me from the moment they met me, even though it took me a while to learn how to be a good daughter-in-law. I love them immensely.


6. Our siblings, who share with us the laughter, sorrow, rejoicing, and mourning in our lives. They are our best friends. And they have beautiful children! (Sad that the only photo I find of my sibs together without searching high and low is this one, taken about 25 years ago. Yes, I am the hottie in the thick glasses.)


7. A comfortable home in a safe neighborhood of our choosing. It may have old, gnarly carpet, but it gives us warmth from the cold, a roof over our heads, and a haven from the world.

8. A strong, healthy body. Lately, I have been appreciating this more, as well as feeling responsibility to take better care of it. I am loving this website that is helping me reach my goals.

9. Good books to read and the opportunities for knowledge and education available to me. I am grateful for the freedom to educate my children and to learn along with them on the journey.

10. A wonderful network of friends, both local and long-distance (and some even virtual), who support, inspire, and love me. I'd go crazy without you. And I really need to take more pictures of you!

This list is woefully inadequate when I consider how truly blessed I am, but I am going to sign off now and go enjoy my family, rather than spend longer listing blessings and digging up the perfect photos.

What are you thankful for today?

The Noblest of Virtures

Said the Lord in a revelation given through the Prophet Joseph Smith, “In
nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those
who confess not his hand in all things.”10
May we be found among those who give our thanks to our Heavenly Father. If
ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place
among the noblest of virtues.

Thomas S. Monson